I went to college, completed my bachelor’s and master’s degrees in psychology, specialized in clinical psychology in children and adolescents, and I was looking for the one who could complement me. For many years, no man seemed interesting enough to me, and here came Kevin into my world, like a gift.
I met him towards the end of graduate school. I was 30 and he was my age. He was a charismatic genius. He graduated with excellence. I felt like I was falling in love with him as a teenage girl would.
I approached him in the university cafeteria and he was so sweet… he wanted to keep talking to me. We started dating, and I discovered a person who was exactly what I wanted in my life… until I realized that I was not the only one in his heart.
I was invited to stay with his mother on one of the holidays.
I was invited to stay with his mother on one of the holidays.
She prepared traditional food from her background. I will never forget how she examined me carefully… how she was looking at every bite I took from my plate, and how at the end of the meal, which was still in my throat, she turned to me and said:
“Kevin is my only son. I gave him everything I have so that he would grow and excel. You should treat him like a king. You won the opportunity to be with him. Do you know how many girls wanted him? I will teach you how to cook all the food he likes. You are here to make him feel good.”
I looked at Kevin in disbelief and saw a look of happiness on his face. I didn’t understand how he could be so happy when he has such a primitive mother who thought I was a maid who came to take care of her son. But my love for him was stronger than everything.
We got married and had three children.
He is an amazing father, he loves the children very much and he invests a lot in them. He is also an excellent lover.
Everything could have been perfect if only his mother hadn’t been there. Sometimes I think he loves her more than he loves me. He talks to her on the phone at least three times a day and shares the most intimate things with her.
In the couples therapy we went to in the past, he said he understood me, but that he owed his whole life to his mother because he grew up in a poor neighborhood with a lot of crime around, and she, a young widow, fought for him to grow up and be successful.
She worked three jobs a day to pay for activities and studies, and made sure he excelled in his studies.
She worked three jobs a day to pay for activities and studies, and made sure he excelled in his studies.
Kevin has two other sisters, but they mean almost nothing to his mom. He is the only purpose of her world.
After thinking about divorce and recently getting psoriasis because of the stress, I realized that I could no longer bear this burden. Ayla, I need your help before I collapse completely.”
After thinking about divorce and recently getting psoriasis because of the stress, I realized that I could no longer bear this burden. Ayla, I need your help before I collapse completely.”
Michelle’s sorrow melted my heart. I was thinking about her situation for many days.
The relationship Kevin’s mother has with him is an obsession. It was no ordinary love.
The mother demanded to know everything about his life, and Michelle felt that she was living under her watchful eye all the time, that she really had no privacy and that all her secrets were hidden in the heart of the woman she disliked most.
In emotional therapy, I came up with therapeutic methods that helped Michelle clear the heavy sorrow from her heart. She learned that her man loved her very much and that the love of his mother did not rob her of her place in his heart. When we analyzed the word obsession, Michelle was relieved.
I read her a page from the book “Love for imperfect things: How to accept yourself in a world striving for perfection” by the award-winning Korean author Haemin Sunim:
“Obsession is very similar to love, but it’s clearly not love. In obsession, as opposed to love, you feel the hidden selfish need to control others according to your desires. Love allows others to be who they are, while obsession seeks control.”
I led an energetic wash and a meditative guided imagery session for Michelle, in order to restore her love for herself so she could know that she is safe and protected.
I invited Kevin to couples therapy with Michelle, where he felt in good company. He had described his great love for his wife and he understood her great distress. During our sessions, Kevin learned hoe to look differently at his relationship with his mother. He found the way to have a respectful dialogue with her, the same time he set clear boundaries that would protect his and his family’s privacy.
A few comments:
The story is true, the names have been changed to protect the privacy of my patients, who gave their consent to reveal their success story.
Psoriasis is a chronic skin condition caused by the immune system attacking the body itself. Just like all autoimmune diseases, the disease breaks out due to a lot of emotional stress along with a genetic disposition. My guided meditations for Psoriasis can help with stress relief and with restoring the health of the skin.
I am wishing much love to Michelle and Kevin, and to you, my dear friends, a year of health, prosperity and great success.
