“You see, Ayla, only a few years ago the doctors realized that we are not crazy. That there is a name to our disease. It’s called fibromyalgia. Until then, they thought we were lazy, that we were evasive… that we were imagining.”
Annie is a very impressive woman. For many years she has played an important role in a security enterprise. She has hands of gold that create any jewelry or decorative object for the home. She bakes spectacular cakes that are rich in stylish creams in a variety of rainbow colors. When she sat down across from me in the treatment chair, she gave me a serious look, put her hand on her heart and said:
“Ayla, believe me, I have already undergone everything, all possible treatments, those of conventional medicine and those of alternative medicine… Nothing helped me. I still feel the same symptoms.”
I asked Annie to describe her daily routine. From her description, emerged a constant pattern of life that she had for many years:
“I get up at 5:00am. After a short shower, I prepare food in three different pots, for lunch, and put them on the stove. I clean the kitchen, clean the showers and toilets quickly, wash a load of clothes in the washing machine, make breakfast for my husband and my young daughter, get ready for work, and leave the house. I come back home from work at 4:00pm, Sit with my daughter and help her with her homework (otherwise she really won’t do it…), organizes the house, browse through Facebook and the news a bit, and if I have the energy I make some new decorations for the house or bake something delicious. I drive almost every day to see how my parents, who live nearby, are doing. I come back home in the evening, organize the house, shower, and go to bed.”
“And what do you do on Saturday, when you’re not working?” I asked.
“Ahh… Saturday is dedicated to cleaning the house, cooking, baking. All the children need to eat at noon, there must be a table filled with the food I cook for them. Then I go and rest for a bit, and in the evening, after a shower I complete some more cooking, and after the children go out with their friends, I clean the dishes, wash the kitchen and go to sleep.”
“And on Sunday?” I asked.
“On Sunday, I usually rest.
I get exhausted from the weekly chores. When I feel that I am able, we sometimes go on walks with the kids or with friends…”
“And what about your husband, what does he help you with in the household?”
“He doesn’t help me… the poor guy works till the late hours. I don’t want to demand his help at home. It’s enough that he makes money.”
“And what about a sexual relationship with him? Do you have time for that?”
Annie laughed…
“I don’t remember when we spent time on it.
It’s not in my thoughts now. I really can’t even think about that with all the pain I have all over my body… I’m not interested… It’s a good thing he doesn’t insist on it. He saw that I’m not into it, so he didn’t bother me with it… Every once in a while he has a desire for it, but usually he’s really thoughtful…”
“Have you undergone emotional therapy in addition to physiological treatments?” I asked. “Maybe life coaching?”
“Nope…” Annie replied.
I suggested to Annie that I lead her through personal life coaching sessions. I explained that the purpose of the sessions is to re-plan her daily schedule, to schedule some down time for herself, for her hobbies, for the small pleasures that make her happy. We will set goals and objectives that will make room for the romantic relationship that has been neglected for many years.
I also suggested that she should make time once a week for personal development such as studying, reading a good book, attending lectures or workshops. I reflected her busy schedule to her. Through this reflection of her daily schedule, Annie noticed that she has been living for everyone: for her husband, for her children, for her workplace, for her parents, for her home… She understood that she wasn’t giving any place in her life for herself.
I suggested to Annie that I give her a complementary treatment with meditation and guided imagery, in addition to the life coaching.
Annie accepted the challenge and we embarked on a new journey, in which she learned to lead her life differently, to devote time to herself which will bring her pleasure and a break from the daily routine. We also included her husband in some of the housekeeping.
When this caused a dispute between them (after all, he was not used to doing things at home, but he understood very well that he had to be more attentive to his wife’s needs), they were assisted by a housekeeper who came once a week to help with cleaning, and Annie learned to let go of the control over every detail that happens in the house, and to trust the housekeeper to do her job faithfully.
She learned to trust her daughter to do her own homework to the best of her ability, and from time to time, she called in a private tutor to help with the work that her daughter was struggling with.
The meditation helped to release endorphins into the bloodstream, which helped greatly in relieving pain. The outbursts of pain gradually diminished. Annie felt more active and energetic, signed up for a gym, lost weight and even told me with a big smile that her and her husband’s relationship had also become more active.
Last week we finished the process of the life coaching and meditation. I suggested that Annie returns to this process once every two months, in order to maintain physical and mental balance and to continue setting new goals.
Annie came to my clinic with a basket of cookies that she baked, and a colorful card which she tastefully prepared.
The card had sentences written on it, which brought me tears of joy. I was so exited to know that again, the combination of coaching and setting goals, together with meditation sessions which converts emotional processes into neurological ones and helps heal the body and mind, is a winning combination.
To me it is a fact. My colitis, a serious disease, is now a thing of the past, and Annie’s fibromyalgia is no longer as turbulent as it once was.
She had fewer pain attacks which were more bearable. Annie can now enjoy a good night sleep and she feels that she is the one who is in charge of her life, and it is not the disease that is in charge of her.
Some things are hard to explain in words…
One of them is a deep gratitude to the wonders of our body, which knows how to heal itself with the strength of the mind.
So remember to take care of yourselves,
Eat healthy, drink a good amount of water, and rest.
Love 
